just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
