I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
