I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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