Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
