dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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