WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
