Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
