WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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