if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
