Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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