I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
