It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
