We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
