I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize