found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
