so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
