Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
