we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
