yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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