i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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