I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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