very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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