I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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