Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize