i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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