my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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