Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
