Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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