i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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