Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i barfeds in our rink
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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