I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
