I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Mom said you looked used
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
True strength comes from lack of pants
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
