he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize