She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
