..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My brain says no but my pants say off.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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