It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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