Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
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