Pants 0. Shit 1.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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