$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
