don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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