Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I want to have your abortion
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just puked most of my soul out..
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
