the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
