hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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