I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I have post one night stand depression
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