I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
