I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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