you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize