you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
