What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
