Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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