oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
