Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
