that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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