Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Of course I have a pirate flag
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
