I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
