i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
