I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
