I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize