I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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