Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
