This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
