The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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