Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
