I puked a lego.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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