I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
