I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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