Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
