Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
