i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize