Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
it's like iHOP with fire
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
