There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
