She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
