I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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